So, here I am.  A few months from 53. A long way to get myself back on track.  In essence, I am writing this to save my world.  But let me explain the story to you.

My mom died on my birthday from lung cancer, with just me in her hospital room.  That simple thing messed me up almost beyond repair.  And the choices I made from this have led me down the road of almost no return.  

She left me a nice chunk of cash.  And she left me the house I was living in with her at the time.  And I couldn't cope.  So, I spent the cash.  And I went into deep hock.  Then I got sued by a few companies for non payment.   I behaved like a 2 year old.  I did what I wanted, went where I felt like, bought stuff I didn't have the money for and set the balance of my life in disarray.  

At a certain time I simply knew it was time to take command of my life.  Instead of just buying endlessly, I needed to gain self control.  I couldn't get mom back.  I couldn't move back to my birthday.  I was unsure how to proceed.  This was a timely thing.  You could get a mortgage through internet companies.  You could add to the trash heap that our national debt had become.  And you could do this with a little bit of information and a few clicks of your mouse.

So click click, type, send and here I am.  I need to work for $1,000 a month JUST to pay my mortgage payment on a house that was left to me free and clear.  That is not including my electricity, not buying groceries, not covering television - internet - or cell phone.  And at just $1,000 I am paying until I reach 78.  Really?  Till 78?  Damn.  

Please read this as I go through the wild roller coaster ride this life of mine has become.  And if you know any way out of what I am going through that is quicker or less painful, please let me know.

Always - Mary